It was just another day when I was going about my chores that I realized something was happening to me. I felt restless. Something deep inside me stirred continuously and pushed me towards a perpetually unquenchable state. I got up from my work desk with a start and my feet guided me to that corner of my house where I had never spent more than two minutes , and that too mostly for the ritualistic lighting of incense sticks in front of the hoarded idols of worship.
A deep longing from my core, forced me to sit in front of my “mandir” and stare at the idols. There was a Krishna-radha framed picture gifted by my mother, a ganesh-lakshmi joint idol, and at the centre was a blue Shiva with Parvati, with his palm raised in blessing. I closed my eyes and sat still, having no idea what to expect.
After five minutes of fidgeting and tossing about with thoughts like how necessary it was to meet my deadline at work today and what I would have for lunch later in the afternoon, I lost track of my mind. A giant Nothingness enveloped me and I could not think anymore.
The vaccum surrounded me from inside and outside and all I could see within my head was darkness. But this darkness had layers. The three dimensional tunnel of darkness first intimidated me and then tantalized me to venture inside. I could not. I concentrated hard on what would have been the spot between my brows, if I was perceived from outside, and tried to make my way in. I could not. An invisible wall would make me splutter against it and then I would spread all around my head.
And then I began hearing an inward chant. The primal sound of Om was coming from trenches buried deep within me, that I had not even realized existed, but now could see in full view , with my closed eyes. The Om continued to resonate through every pore of my body until my breath was synchronized with the constant rhythm of the chant. With every breath, I could feel a power engulfing my whole being. I floated forward into the tunnels, now unhindered, in what felt like an all pervading gaseous state. I was everywhere, the universe was filled with my essence and I felt complete like never before.
Just as soon as I was getting comfortable with my new found bliss, the tunnel reappeared and pulled me up. Now I was moving upward with an unexplainable urgency. The comfort was replaced by an overwhelming anticipation and I continued gliding upward with eagerness and impatience, brought on my innate knowledge that I was very near to my source. I was a river and an abundant ocean of infinite calmness and love was pulling me at great speed. I reached to that infinite “point” at great speed and suddenly felt myself exploding into million fragments and getting dissolved into the great Nothingness. That moment was Complete. I lost my identity; I dissolved into my source and realized myself as a part of the unending bliss that I originally am in my pure state, like every other manifestation of energy in this creation.
I stayed there for a while, losing myself in the unending Universe before feeling myself descending down slowly to the point where I became aware of my body again. The spot between my brows closed on me and the darkness across my closed eyes lost all the layers. I opened my eyes slowly and saw all the idols. Unmistakably, every image was smiling. My hands went up on its own to wipe the copious tears which were flowing down my eyes on their own accord. I had just experienced a bliss that my body had not yet learned to deal with and the tears were a proof of my overwhelmed senses.
All the idols and images where smiling and as I got up and looked into the mirror, I saw I was smiling too. A content smile of self realization. I was made out of God, as every other little thing in the world. Right from a stone to a complex machine: It is God’s energy that manifests everywhere.
My soul had just found its source and it was dancing with joy. My soul had just realized that it could not be corrupted and could not be touched, because it was a part of that divine energy that is beyond all cause and effects. All sundry experiences here were transitory and meaningless because nothing would affect me in the end when I would go back and dissolve in the unending bliss that I have originated from.
So just like that, one fine day, I discovered God. And it changed Everything.